Today 25 July I've been sober and free from all and any mind altering substances for one year, and it is probably one of the best things I have done.
HOW? H.O.W, is how.
No I didn't come up with that. That is from a 12 step program that I've been following and for 1 year I've been going to meetings almost everyday.
I have "quit" or tried to quit before but never been able to "stay clean". Or just quitting one thing and not EVERYTHING. That didn't work because that just made me double the intake, or switch/replace the substance I still allowed my self to use.
I found all and every excuse so that I would still be able to use something/(anything).
I didn't realize until after I didn't take ANYTHING
, how badly I was fucking my self up.
I've thought many times : "Ok this is it I'm gonna quit!" Especially after something bad had happened. Like after getting arrested or a friend had overdosed. Or like losing Shane.
But I only used more and used those bad things as an excuse to use more, and convincing my self I HAD TO, I NEED to. "I feel like shit, I'm depressed, I need this, I want this"
After quitting all mind altering substances for almost 3 months (for me 74 days exactly) not until then did I feel and notice a difference.
That fucking time up until I could feel a difference, was absolutely NOT FUN at all for me. It was fucking HELL!!
But I stuck it out and didn't use anything. I then realized why I had felt so bad, it was the FUCKING DRUGS!! The one thing that I thought I "needed" was the one thing that was fucking me up. 20 (ish) years of using is what made me feel so bad that death was the better option. Death or the only thing I hadn't tried, which was quitting EVERYTHING that altered my mind. That was all I had left to try.
And I've "tried " for one whole year now and will continue to do so. I need the program to do it because it's an instruction manual to life for me.
That's "how" I've been able to do it.
Thank you so much to all the people that has helped and continue to help me everyday. (You know who you are)
Susanne & Max supporting me.